Relationships all have two sides; no authentic or healthy relationship is one sided.  When we conduct Family Therapy, we are looking at both sides of the relationship.  When we squarely place blame on any singular side without understanding we fail to create an authentic relationship.  If we want to create change and have a different outcome, we need to address the underlying issues.  What is stopping this person from coming and talking to you, what pain are they hiding that they can't seek support from family, why are they afraid to be honest, is there reactivity, judgment, or shame?  Why didn't they feel heard or valued?  How can we change that going forward?  There are so many pieces that are conducted in Family Therapy. Amends is a great step, you look at all of the events that transpired, contemplate whom you've hurt and then reach out to make amends, take accountability and apologize.  The issue comes in when we break it down, amends from a singular perspective does not take into account the impact on another person.  When a person begins to cross lines, they also need to come to terms with their actions, so these things are rationalized away as a coping mechanism for self-preservation.  As we continue to cross lines we develop moral disintegration, a process of chipping away at our morals to accept the things we've done.  The amends comes from a different moral standard.  A person may say I'm really sorry I stole that $500 from you, in their mind, it was just $500, you have a job and while not okay, it wasn't a big deal, I was in bad place and it's just $500. The family on the other side, accepts the apology, is grateful that it was addressed and says thank you.  The family is afraid to address the impact, fearing a relapse because they've been down this path for.  Grateful for the apology, cautiously optimistic and untrusting.  They are thinking of the impact.  That $500 that was my car payment, my daughter's birthday money, I lost all trust in you that day . . . The unspoken, unaddressed pain is where accountability and healing live.  The impact the family faced.  That is exactly where we defeat the moral disintegration, the understanding and true accountability of the actions, that is where the healing of the family begins.  Once we address the underlying causes we are creating and fostering an authentic relationship. When we leave this part out, the family remains untrusting, unhealed and cautious of relapse, fearing what they say or do.  The person in turn feels like an outsider, without ever belonging. Belonging is a fundamental human need, so strong we put ourselves in dangerous positions just to have that need met.  When we remain an outsider in our life, we seek out the places we belong, leading directly into a relapse to be a part of something, to be understood and to belong.  We address all of the pieces to foster the authentic relationship, heal the past wounds and build a new path forward, with skills, understanding and compassion.